Fat

Well it's only been like 4years. Here I am again. Depressed. Lonely. Only this time I'm surrounded by people who expect me to be this person they seem to believe I am. They can't seem to understand I'm a piece of shit. I'm lazy. I'm rude. I'm crude. I'm manipulative. I'm fat now too. At least I was skinny before. Now I look like shit. I'm a fucking loser. I haven't made it far at all in life. I ruin other people's lives by putting all my depression on them like it's their job to take care of me. But being honest, I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost and unhappy with and in this world. No one is doing anything about this real issues. We're all going to die off my forcing or offspring to die horribly painful deaths by slowly destroying this planet. No one cares. I'm so unhappy I literally don't have anything else to say but I just want to fucking die. I hate everything about my life. I don't want it. I don't want to come back in a next life either. Fuck this shit. It's all fucked up. And the only reason I keep typing is because I don't even have the motivation to kill myself. I'm literally too lazy to even finish the job. I'm really a piece of work guys seriously. It's great cause all of the things I've been telling myself on a daily basis are so much meaner than anything anyone else has or probably will ever say to me. I think the thing that hurt my feelings the worst was when this guy Cory Nygard told me that I was tone deaf. And then one of the good things I remember was when I was in this therapy group and this really skinny, super pretty, girl who was older than me told me that I was so skinny and that I was so lucky. I was on some pill that made me not hungry, and I was in my prime of hitting puberty and just grew a lot. Basically to the height I am now. So basically since I've just been getting fatter and fatter.