cats n dogs

you think you have feelings for someone. then you deny you have feelings for someone. then you know you have feelings for someone. and hate yourself for it. well a similar story in my life replays too many times. the story i told the entry before, about the "friend" and her boyfriend. well, i've broken more.
you know when you have that new feeling of liking someone, nothing serious, and you guys are just friends, but you know you like each other? cuz im very familiar with it. but then you remember that you both have serious happiness issues and one day the person you like doesn't reply. and the next day they dont again. and then they send you an email about your profile picture being pretty and your just appalled. speechless. so you say nothing. then a day later they finally text you "hi". well idk y i caare so much and i can assure you that i dont like caring about it. and i dont care for hiding the fact that we're friends because his gf hates the fuck out of me. again. i feel like the booty-call. and now it's not just me. because now i'm crying about someone who shouldn't mean this much to me. and not only that, but i feel like the fucking bitch that my dad cheated on my mom with for 2 and a half years whom hes STILL with, and i feel like the skank that was my best friend and then she slept with my (first intimate relationship) ex boyfriend.
oh and speaking of that guy, hes found in earlier posts, and he's not larry (four) and he's not casey d. his picture was also posted.... and i dont regret my past so i chose to leave those posts up. couldnt tell ya the dates tho. well anyways, i just recently began smoking cigarettes (wee.... -_-) and one of my friends (whos kinda not really my friend and is friends with this ex im talking about) she was guna smoke shit with me for my first time and then she told my ex (who's kinda a stoner now) and he said he wanted to do it with me. so now thats another thought in my head. idk how THATS guna go down, but its this weekend so i should make up my mind fast.
i'm talking to my ex-friend's boyfriend and i finally told him the fallowing:
"i cant watch [my ex friend' name] do this to u n e more. ive been thinking and crying and thinking and [my ex friend's name] just said shit to me today about u and 'be jelious' of u and her cheating, i just cant watch it [exfriend's boyfriend's name]. im watching something so amazing just be slowly murdered and swallowed."
and he hasnt replied so yah. i'll just leave it at then i guess
why are cats and dogs the lesser beings? they live in a world of bliss and ignorance, and i would give anything to live that kind of a life. yes, they may live shorter lives, but i feel as if everyday i live is wasted because i've been worried about so many things that shouldnt matter. spending time with people you love before they're gone, playing with the kitten you've wanted your whole life. why can't those be the biggest things i'm worried about? why?
go listen to the song "The Ocean" by Chelsea Z.
and don't smoke cigarettes. it's dumb.