tonights one of those nights you don't really know what to do or say. whether it's because you can't find the words describe how you feel, or everythings already fallen apart, or you just have no will to speak. when i think back to who i used to be about 3 years ago and where i thought i would have been at age 16, i see now how different everything truely is. i would like to think, looking back on everything, that i could find a way to avoid getting to the place i am now if i had the chance, but it just happened so fast i can barely remember when this all started. its so easy and simple to blame it on the people around you, but that can only get you so far. i've reached a point where just being me becomes my own prison. i keep saying the same thing everytime i cry, and im not even sure what it means. "i don't want to be here." but where is "here"? where i am in life? where i live? being alive? i just don't know anymore. its like that part of the movie when you know that the main charicotr fucked up bad and everyone's sad. maybe except the bad guy. but who's the bad guy in my life?
the only thing i've figured out of all of this is that in the end i blame myself. for letting stupid things bother me. for letting myself do certain things. for not trying harder to love myself and establish a healthy lifestyle.
maybe it'snot smart to post this, but hey. we're all humans and we all like to think someone out there cares.
i like to think someone will read this. idk.
i feel the need to say have fun but idk who im talking to or what im talking about.
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