Dear Somebody,

this is a letter stateing feelings and thoughts that i have kept truely to myself for about 2 or 3 years.

someone has stolen my heart. for 7 months i took for granted some one who i didn't realize i would be spending the rest of my life thinking, dreaming, and living without. thats all i can do now. in the beggining things were so beautiful. little did i know that i was falling in love. the 4th of July. that was the day. then came along Febuary. i foolishly broke up with him only a few days before Valentines Day. now the days grow longer and more painful to see him. in my mind, he hated me for 1 whole year after that. he deleted me from his life completely. myspace... gone. he no longer talked to me. i wrote him letters, songs... but i never sent them. i made him CD's too. nice ones. about how i wasn't going to get over him. but i just burried them with the letters. i still play the songs on rainy days or long days. but more frequently lately. and i still write songs about him. some titles: The Cure, Old Pictures, Silence In The Night, and one that never had a title.... but that is the one that is strongest.

recently, two days ago, someone told me that he said things about me. i was sure they would be things that he used to say about me in 7th grade after we broke up. (bad things) but i was wrong. aprently when i desided to break up with him, he knew we were going to get back together, but he desided to say no. why? because he was going through a very hard time at home and he was aprently hating life at that point. he told me those hatful words to make me go away because he didnt want to hurt me. im not sure if he is just saying that, but that would explain why these past years i still loved him and still for some reason had faith that he still cared.

i would lie about not being over him SOO many times. every time i said i hated him, it was because he hurt me soo bad. everytime i said i still loved him, i had faith. broken. he would only deny me. there was one short short time period where i thought i would actually get over him. i was starting a new relationship. it was December of last year...2008. then, as if he knew that i was starting to try and move on, he flirted with me! he talked to me! he finally accepted my friend request on myspace too! it was almost a mirical. i guess when he realized that i thought he was likeing me again he stopped. and i was left alone in my denial. another thing he said was that every time that i liked him, he liked me... but then everytime i lied and said that i didnt like him n e more, he said he had to stop liking me just because i did. im still not sure if i believe this. i mean, i kno i have to have faith... but i just lived off his hate for 2 to 3 years!

i am so lost at this point i dont even know what to say.

do he ever get that letter i wrote him that i didn't sent?

did he know how i really felt that whole time?

and how was deleting me from his life a solution. love is tough! i would have waited everything out. maybe not then... but now.

i've grown. not changed, just grown. i always told myself i'd never date him again because of how he hurt me.

but then again i never thought all of that was a lie.

i was lieing to myself, trying to convince myself that i wasn't still in love with him when i said i'd never date him.

but he's probably over me for good now.

from:

-Aly Jayne Riekkoff

THE POWER!!!!

Current mood:yes!...this is about me;)

so heres a story u can tell ur kids...

fire-croch gf
once upon a time... a girl was dating a boy.
this girls daddy cheated on the girls mommy for 2 and a half years
the girl didnt care cuz she hated her daddy
when her parents devorce was final... her daddy's fire-croch gf left him
now, more than a year later, the girl hacks her daddy's facebook and see's how much shit he really talks about her and her bf! even tho her bf gives her more love and effection than her daddy did in 15 years.
little did the daddy kno that his daughter was fucking her bf behind his back
just like he did with his fire-croch gf

moral of the story: Karma is a bitch!

Merry Christmas everybody!!!!

Currently listening:
So Stylistic By Fannypack Release date: 2003-07-08
1:01 AM
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........check out this blog at www.myspace.com/punkfreakpunkfreak
<3always
alyjaynehewitt

My Life @ 15

sometimes i ask myself if this is really what i wanted. i asked for everything i have, but i didn't know how painful it would all be. my life is complicated. my dad, Mike, and my mom, Cate, were married for about 17, or 18 years, but including the time that they dated 22 years together. then along comes me, in 1994. then my sister in 1999. fairy tail typical american family, rite? yes... very much so. even more so now...

for 2 and a half years my dad has been cheating on my mom with a whore named Anita. this doesn't bother me, cuz i never really was involved with my family. but now their making me involved. aparently it doesn't satisfy them that im not feeling enough pain as it is already so they make me care about their problems. my dad refuses to tlak to my dad, so she makes him text... and in doing this, no true feelings are revealed. so she takes her anger towards him out on me. my dad is an irrational bastard.. actually thats quite literal, because his dad died when my dad was only like 5 or 10 or somthing... but he just gets mad and flipps out on everything and everyone around him. i haven't had a good relationship with my dad since i was 10 and now he thinks -at the peek of our family distruction- is a good time to bond, to connet bridges that were burned long ago that now have mold and other rotting matterials on them. i hate him. i hate my mom.

and then theirs my sister, emily. shes so obnoxious. she screams shouts, yells, throughs fits... it's weird and annoying. well... nuff said.

matt... Matt is the essence of my being. he is the one thing that keeps me sane. the one reason why i don't rip every hair of my head. the one reason why i try to love myself and respect myself. in all these things i do for love. i did not know what love was until i met him. matt is the one thing keeping me from suving a bullet through my mom, dad, and sisters head. for him i live, for him a save.

he saves me

i save him too

this is my life at 15...

this is me and matt

he is mine, so don't think of stealing him,

he is a quaerterback,

he is sexy,

he is my love,

he is love,

he is everything i never knew i needed,

he is everything i can never live without,

he is the soul of my being,

he is going to be my husband someday,

he is matt<3

hanging with KC

hello peoples of the world. i am here to inform u that my father is a jerk. yesterday was Easter Sunday and my mom and i and my sister Emily all went to church as a good christiuan family should do. we walk in and see my dad with his gf. she's a red head skank that deserves to die. i no longer pick up the phone when my dad calls. my family is offically shunning him. i hate him and what he is doing to my family which now consists of my mom, my sister (unforcunatly), and myself. the only people i care about is my friends... (specifically- KC, Frank, Matty O, Kelly, and a few other people) and i need to focus on my goals in life more over my dad and his issues that HE must overcome. he is insenative and he may think that he is doing the right thing by leaveing my mom. he said he left because he wasn't treating my mom right... but if he wasn't treating her right, why can he have a fucking gf!!!!! i hate him!!!

so hears the thing, Mrs. Ceslik (me and KC's 8th grade Math teacher) is a total jerk and tells us to leave because she's "not holding us there" she's "not making us stay there." and that we should just "go to the cafe if we don't wanna be there". i agree fully with her. but the thing is is that she disrespects me and KC and that is unfair to us. she can treat us like shit and we can't try to ignore her cause thats "disrepectful". my matto is to only respect people if they respect u! its that hard of a consept to fallow Mrs. Ceslik!!!!

hi hi hi

wow. the title of this blog sounds like im like oober hyper but im like soo not!

so, idk, y im writng this cuz im on the phone with Frank B (by bf, but who cares)

wow. im really not happy
wow

bye

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