Fat

Well it's only been like 4years. Here I am again. Depressed. Lonely. Only this time I'm surrounded by people who expect me to be this person they seem to believe I am. They can't seem to understand I'm a piece of shit. I'm lazy. I'm rude. I'm crude. I'm manipulative. I'm fat now too. At least I was skinny before. Now I look like shit. I'm a fucking loser. I haven't made it far at all in life. I ruin other people's lives by putting all my depression on them like it's their job to take care of me. But being honest, I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost and unhappy with and in this world. No one is doing anything about this real issues. We're all going to die off my forcing or offspring to die horribly painful deaths by slowly destroying this planet. No one cares. I'm so unhappy I literally don't have anything else to say but I just want to fucking die. I hate everything about my life. I don't want it. I don't want to come back in a next life either. Fuck this shit. It's all fucked up. And the only reason I keep typing is because I don't even have the motivation to kill myself. I'm literally too lazy to even finish the job. I'm really a piece of work guys seriously. It's great cause all of the things I've been telling myself on a daily basis are so much meaner than anything anyone else has or probably will ever say to me. I think the thing that hurt my feelings the worst was when this guy Cory Nygard told me that I was tone deaf. And then one of the good things I remember was when I was in this therapy group and this really skinny, super pretty, girl who was older than me told me that I was so skinny and that I was so lucky. I was on some pill that made me not hungry, and I was in my prime of hitting puberty and just grew a lot. Basically to the height I am now. So basically since I've just been getting fatter and fatter.

http://anastasiaphilips.blogspot.com that is an awesome blog to read. it may be old, but i like it

borreeddd

no idea why im posting anything right now lol. i just had a choir thing at school so i was excused out of class til 12, and then shannon and i decided to leave with out boyfriends. cody took me to my house to get the leftover cigs i had, which was a full pack minus 2>.< to give them to kyle cuz i dont want them anymore. then we went to southridge and cody and justin wanted to buy a sword so me ken cody and justin went to the shop and while justin and cody were freaking out about swords with the crabby guy who works there, ken called me over to see these really sweet pipes. there was one shaped like an elephant! and it was like $25 but then when ken tried to buy it , the guy asked to card me like he was getting it for me! i didnt have mine and no shit im not 18.. so he wouldnt sell it to him like a dick. now we're at justins and cody and ken r playing some stupid anime video game and i guess thats why im wiriting this. i guess i kinda wanna make it look like im doing something, but cody doesnt really look at me. so it doesnt really matter. i hate anime. like all the names r fucking psychotic and i have no idea how anyone remembers their names. i kinda am reeally bored right now. and im sure leaving school wasnt too smart, but im just trying to chill. wel thats all bye

people love white chicks who rap to Eminem with a cold

i fuckin hate relationships... worse than i did before. and because of this extremely upsetting moment, i am going to take the time to appreciate my skills of being completely random. here are a few things you might not think of everyday grouped into pairs of two, because it's never fun to be alone:
Tricks & Underdogs
Stories untold and fire alarms that won't shut up
People that win and chances not worth taking
the simple things and speaking your mind
Canada and the fuckin pyramids
female impersonators and care takers
Gorgeous mistakes and falling for fools
unspoken decisions and shoe boxes
vanilla sugar and the number 8
tricky conversations and crazy girls that think dildos r over used
Toe rings and lame phone numbers
Flip cards and Unnoticeable remarks
Kinky thongs and drunken toasts
French fries and biscuits
Hallucinations and bells that forget to ring
Aluminum Cans and foreshadowing the future
Air Waves, Car accidents, and portable bathrooms
Justice and Rice
Hair flips and uncensored letters

yep. random things. that will be all. i'm going to continue to be pissed off. thanks for reading.

exasperated profanities

i fucking hate humanity. i fucking hate people and their stupid sence of knownledge and choice of actions. like FUCK YOU with a million capitol letters! FUCKFUCKFUCKYOU
and fuck relationships. trying to be with someone... trying to be with someone equally and happy. its fucking imposable. just face it. we all wanna find our "soal mates" but guess what mother fuckers?! YOUR DREAMING! mr. right doesnt fucking exsist! everybody's a fucking asshole. no one is ever guna make you happy because everything in life will fucking dissapoint you. your better off on your own sleeping with who ever the fuck you think is sexy! just watch for them STD's cuz i hear they're nasty as fuck >.< but whatever, as long as the dick thats comin in is clean i dont give a fuck. ok thats wrong too. but wtf ever im in a fucking shitty ass mood thanks to people who have shitty days and feel the need to spred their extreme bullshit to the next happy mother fucker. its contagious so sorry if you catch it from reading this. but ik you wont. wanna know why? CUZ NO ONE FUCKING READS THIS GODDAMN BLOG! thanks awesome fucking friends for talking to me when all of my facebook status's sound about one stab away from death! you mother fuckers FUCKING SUCK!!! i reeeeaalllly hate everything right now! like HOLY FUCKKKING SHIT i hate everything! like fuck every single fucking person in this world except for Ronnie Radke. random? no. all ive been listening to while my boyfriend is being a fucking pissy asshole and doesnt wanna fucking see me and would rather hang out with a fucking greasy ass stoner who never fucking showers and smoke weed and be a fucking dick... (btw FUCK YOU) ive just been alone listening to Falling In Reverse, and Ronnie Radke is honestly the hottest man to ever live idc what anyone says and Sally Watts is the luckiest mother fucker in this whole goddamn world. i wanna fucking die. like fuck. what i'd do to just BAM: keel over. thatd be fucking sweet. to die on 11/11/11! HA. the best thing about the thought of death is thinking about making people feel like their the reason im fucking gone FOREVER! because wtf do i care if im dead! ITS ALL YOUR MOTHER FUCKERS FAULTS! FUCK YOU ALL!

it all about me

i was mistaken. i dont have any feelings for that guy i was talking about, the one i had the dream about. i was just being over dramatic. i dont like it when guys get over me and move on, but now i just dont care, and i dont care because i dont want to. it's dumb. like really, where did i think it was guna go? we broke up for good reasons. same with my other ex. i dont really wanna be with anyone. and by that i mean i dont want to be in a relationship, or friendships. im just kind of done with the worlds bullshit. like i just see beyond all the pointless things now. in a year i'm never going to see any of these fucked up people ever again. and some of them are nice i suppose, but whats the point in building up friendships that are only going to be lost? to have fun now?? well i'm not having fun, so why try anymore. everyone thinks i'm just so caught up in myself and that i think it's "all about me"... well if thats so, and u always thought that, y the fuck did you hang with me? thats fucking stupid. well i'm guna listen to what they say and just worry about myself. fuck their problems. i dont care. i've got my own, thank you.
so yea, im just confirming that i dont really feel much but extreme apathy right now which is what i wanted, so thats really good, and i honestly dont wanna do music at the moment like at all. i'm getting really pissed off and fed up with it all and actually believing that im guna make it... but i suppose i wont do anything else with my time so i might as well. i just kinda dont care if im homeless or poor or dead really cuz i kind of already feel dead. well... thats "all about me". bye

endless antics II

ironicly enough, i had an extremely vivid dream last night that almost felt more real than real life. let me tell you, dreams suck. it kinda stuck with me the whole day and just made the whole "feelings" thing even worse. so yea. im having fun.
i'm guna go now.